Quotes from Up the Academy

Leisman: What did I tell you I'd do if I ever caught you stealing again?
Hash: You said you'd rip my balls off, sir.
Leisman: Say it again!
Hash: You said you'd rip my balls off, sir.
Leisman: Say it again!
Hash: You said you'd rip my balls off, sir.

Ververgaert: Do you wet your bed?
Chooch: No, I generally just piss over the side.

Leisman: Those glasses that you're wearing make you stand out like a turd in a punch bowl!

Leisman: [pickup line] Tickle your ass with a feather?

Party Guest: Somebody put a turd in the punchbowl!
Chooch: [to Leisman] Help yourself sir.

Ike: Hello Colonel. I was just...
Bliss: I know what you were doing.
Ike: You do?
Bliss: Did you like what you saw MacArthur?
Ike: Uh no. I mean yes. I mean.
Bliss: It's okay MacArthur. Meet me in my room in 5 minutes.
Ike: Yes ma'am.

Ike: Ms. Bliss? Miss Bliss?
Guard: Hey! What are you doing here?
Ike: Uh, nothing. Just taking a walk.
Guard: Well, take it outside. Now! Let's go. Get out of that room!
Ike: Shit, this is the wrong room.

Ike: Great. This is the right room.
Guard: You again! What did I tell you?
Ike: Shit, not again.
Guard: That's right. Maybe 50 push-ups will help you remember.

Bliss: Oh MacArthur! Oh!
Ike: Colonel. I'd love to stay and get together but I gotta get outta here.
Bliss: Is it something I said? Did I come on too strong?
Ike: No. I just have to go and meet the guys.
Bliss: Don't you want to meet these guys?
Ike: I would. But my friends are counting on me.
Bliss: Okay. Meet me in my room later. I'll be waiting.

Ike: Miss Bliss?
Bliss: Did anyone see you MacArthur?
Ike: No Colonel.
Bliss: Good. Now, where were we?
Ike: Here, I think.
Bliss: Oh, yeah. Mmmmm, oh MacArthur.
Ike: Oh Colonel.
Bliss: Sit on the bed MacArthur.
Ike: Yes ma'am.
Bliss: Make yourself comfortable. So, these are what you wanted to see, right?
Ike: Yes ma'am.
Bliss: You're lucky MacArthur. I never go all the way with a cadet.
Ike: Really?
Bliss: Yeah, but you're different.
Ike: I am?
Bliss: Yeah. You know, all these guys care about is my body.
Ike: I know. Wow!
Bliss: So what do you think MacArthur? I do have a nice set, don't I?
Ike: Yes you do.
Bliss: Slide over here. Come on and have a feel, MacArthur. Touch them.
Ike: Uh.
Bliss: Don't be shy. That's what they're there for.
Ike: Uh.
Bliss: That's it. I know you want them!
Chooch: Ike. Are you in here? Shit!