Quotes from On the 2nd Day of Christmas (TV)

Trish: When did she leave you?
Bert: She did not leave me. We parted.
Trish: Is that why you're mad at the world?
Bert: I'm not mad a the world, just a very small part of it.

Trish: Are you hurt?
Bert: No! How can I be hurt? I just threw my family jewels full force against a freezing metal fence!
Trish: Oh good, as long as you're not hurt

Trish: When I was a little girl I could tell the breed of a dog by its bark.
Bert: And?
Trish: I think you better hurry!

Bill: So, you two met at the store?
Bert: Ehhh..
Trish: First floor. Handbags. It was very romantic. Bert dragged me right off, I couldn't resist!

Bert: All the good songs have already been written.
Trish: Well, no one has ever written a song about me!