Quotes from The Addams Family

Gomez: We danced the Mamushka while Nero fiddled, we danced the Mamushka at Waterloo. We danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper, and now, Fester Addams, this Mamushka is for you.

[Wednesday is hooking up an electric chair]
Wednesday: Pugsley, sit in the chair.
Pugsley: Why?
Wednesday: So we can play a game.
Pugsley: What game?
Wednesday: [strapping him in] It's called, "Is There a God?"

Pugsley: Are they dead?
Wednesday: Does it matter?

Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons?
Wednesday: Yes.
Girl Scout: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?
Pugsley: Yes.
Girl Scout: Well, I'll tell you what. I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
Wednesday: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?

Gomez: That's the spirit, Thing! Lend a hand!

[Watching Pugsley sleep]
Morticia: It's so sweet. He looks just like a little entree.

Morticia: Children, what are you doing?
Wednesday: I'm going to electrocute him.
Morticia: But we're late for the charity auction.
Wednesday: But, Mother...
Morticia: I said no.
Pugsley: Pleeaaaase?
Morticia: Oh, all right.

Morticia: Thing, you're a handful.

Morticia: Don't torture yourself, Gomez. That's my job.

Wednesday: May I have the salt.
Morticia: What do we say?
Wednesday: NOW.

Morticia: Wednesday, play with your food!

Gomez: How long has it been since we've waltzed?
Morticia: Oh, Gomez... hours.

Gomez: They say a man who represents himself has a fool for a client. Well, with God as my witness, I am that fool!

Gomez: 2, 10, 11. Eyes, fingers, toes!

Morticia: Gomez.
Gomez: Querida?
Morticia: Last night you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. Do it again!

Wednesday: Nobody gets out of the Bermuda Triangle, not even for a vacation. Everyone knows that.
Dr. Pinderschloss: Oh, my little bundle. So much you don't understand. The human spirit, it is a hard thing to kill.
Grandmama: Even with a chainsaw.

Dr. Pinderschloss: Love/hate, hate/love. Like for mama, no?
Gomez: But I didn't hate my mother. It was an accident!

[as they examine a rare and valueable heirloom Morticia is about to donate to charity]
Grandmama: Let's keep it!
Morticia: Hush, mama! It's for charity! Widows and orphans. We need more of them.

[Looking for something in a wardrobe]
Morticia: "Uncle Niknak's winter wardrobe." "Uncle Niknak's summer wardrobe." "Uncle Niknak."

Morticia: Margaret?
Margaret: Hmm?
Morticia: About the séance tonight, I wish you'd come. It's Gomez. I'm terribly worried about him. He won't eat, he can't sleep, he keeps coughing up blood.
Margaret: He coughs up blood?
Morticia: Well, not like he used to.

Wednesday: I'm a homicidal maniac, they look just like everyone else.

Margaret: Everyone keeps asking where he bought his costume.
Gomez: It is a wonderful hat.

Grandmama: Dinner's gonna be late.
[goes outside]
Grandmama: Here, boy! Here, boy!

Sally Jessy Raphael: So, you claim that your son was brainwashed by voodoo witch doctors and forced to recrute others? Let's take a call.
Gomez: Hello, Sally?
Sally Jessy Raphael: Mr. Addams, *please* stop calling! We do not know where they meet!

Morticia: Gomez, why don't we go for a drive. The whole family.
Gomez: A drive? And miss Gilligan?

Uncle Fester: Haven't you ever slaughtered anyone?
Wednesday: He's only a child.
Uncle Fester: No excuse! Aim for a major artery. The jugular.

Gomez: [watching home movies] Remember that fateful night?
Uncle Fester: Of course... Your first cigar!
Gomez: What? Come on, Old Man, I've smoked since I was 5. Mother insisted.

Margaret: This is all so humiliating. Why did I marry you?
Tully Alfford: Because I said yes.

Judge: [after a golf ball is hit through his window] Damn you, Addams!
Gomez: Sorry about the window, Judge. Keep the ball, I have a whole bucket full.
Judge: You moron!

[Pugsley is strapped to a pole, mumbling urgently around an apple in his mouth]
Wednesday: Don't be a baby. I know what I'm doing.
[She levels a crossbow]

Fauna Amor: I'm Fauna!
Flora Amor: I'm Flora!
Tully Alfford: I'm flattered.

Morticia: And our credo: "Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc." We gladly feast on those who would subdue us. Not just pretty words.

[Pugsley is strapped in the electric chair]
Wednesday: [Cranking the switches] It has to warm up.
Pugsley: Why?
Wednesday: So it can kill you.
Pugsley: I knew that.

Gomez: To live without you, only that would be torture.
Morticia: A day alone, only that would be death.

Gomez: [after he, and Fester enter their secret place] Smell that air, Fester! Like a tomb.

Gomez: [as he helps Morticia out of a trap] Leather straps, red-hot pokers!
Morticia: Later, my dearest.

[Thing is gesturing wildly]
Gomez: Mor... Morticia... Morticia? Morticia what? Slow down! It's terrible when you stutter!
[Thing gropes around, finds a pen, and starts to write, but it's out of ink. Groping around again, Thing overturns a bowl of cereal, grabs the spoon, and starts tapping in Morse Code]
Gomez: Morticia... in... danger... stop. Send... help... at once... STOP!
[Gomez stands and runs out. Thing collapses]

Margaret: You are too precious for words, why I could just... eat you alive!
Morticia: Oh no, Margaret! Too young!

Dr. Pinderschloss: Have you tried hard enough? Ask him sweetheart!
Tully Alfford: No, no, no, Sweetheart. Don't ask!

Dr. Pinderschloss: [as Gomez and Morticia are about to kiss each other] KNOCK IT OFF!

Gomez: You bewitched me I proposed that very night